Welcome To Holland

Ok, so no one wants to hear that their child has an irreversible diagnosis. When we recieved Natalies, it felt like our world was going to collapse. We had just had our first baby, it wasnt enough being first time parents, throw a diagnosis on top of it! It was very hard in the begining. While the pregnancy itself was smooth as can be (aside from 17 weeks of throwing up!), we had a few scary ultrasounds, and kind of a rough birth. So we are recieving this diagnosis that is just hard to hear for one, and what made it harder was that her form of down sydrome is rare, and that the drs couldnt tell us what to/not expect. It was scary. Being that we recieved the diagnosis while she was still a newborn, Bud and i didnt get on the puter much to do the research about it, we were just goin one day at a time. Well my mom went google crazy! In her wild search for information, she came across this...and i have to be honest, its what got me thru, until i could honestly say i was ok with natalies diagnosis. It made me realize that no matter how hard things get, it will always be ok. 

Welcome To Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability-to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience. To understand it, to imagine how it would feel; its like this:

When your going to have a baby, its like planning a fabulous vacation trip-to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, The Michelangelo David, the Gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. Its all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later the plane lands, the stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland??" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy!! I'm suppose to be in Italy. All my life Ive dreamed of going to Italy."

But theres been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they havent taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. Its just a different place.

So now you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. Its just a different place. Its slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there a while and you catch your breath, you look around...and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...and Holland has tulips. Holland even has rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that is where I was supposed to go. Thats what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didnt get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things...about Holland  

This story still gets to me...because it takes me back to the very begining, of when nothing was known...we barely knew she was healthy. But i know i wouldnt be who i am today without natalie or this story. Those two things alone have shaped and molded me into something id never have imagined...in a good way of course =)

Hope this finds you well...

Jess.